I had pretty severe writer’s block so I asked you good people who read my blog what I should write about. My views on religion seemed to be the most requested topic so now I’m writing about it.
The content you are about to read may or may not offend you. If you do feel offended by my opinion know that it was never my intention. Moreover, if you feel that I’m full of shit and I’m wrong for thinking the way that I do I would be more than happy to have a discussion with you about it. With that out of the way, let’s get to it.
To be honest with you, it’s quite difficult to explain to you where my views lie religiously. I recently had a realisation that left me pretty shook and now I don’t know what to think or where I stand. I’m kinda just hanging in the air with all these question marks regarding my religious stance. However, I can positively say that I am more spiritual than I am religious because I feel that spirituality is real but religion was just created by a bunch of ordinary human beings like you and me.
The Bible was a created by a bunch of Roman Catholic guys a long time ago. They didn’t write the bible but they chose specific books to add to the bible and they compiled it. If you never knew, the Catholics used religion to control the masses. If they controlled the people, they had the power and if they had power, they had money. There’s a bunch of historical and fictional books based on true events to prove this. Anyways, this really got me thinking and I thought, well how can I trust the Bible if it was compiled by a bunch of rich, powerful men trying to stay rich and powerful?
Now, I’m not saying that the entire Bible is full of nonsense. The book of Proverbs was really written by Solomon and David did write Psalms but what if these Catholic guys chose specific books that conveyed God in a specific way to instil fear in the people so that they could behave, obey, and not ask too many questions like “How sure are you the earth is flat?” and “Why is the Pope such an important guy anyway?” And I know what you must be thinking, “But Zoa, these issues aren’t addressed in the Bible.” You’re absolutely right. The Bible does not talk about the flatness of the earth and the significance of the pope. However, the Bible is full of a bunch of rules and specific ways to live life and the message seems to be that if you don’t follow these rules you will go to hell which is the absolute worst place to go. I’m not saying hell doesn’t suck but I am saying that those Catholic guys used hell to make people scared. With that fear came power because people were so scared of hell they believed everything the Catholic church would tell them, including the lie that the earth was flat and that the pope was the centre of the universe. The Bible was the church’s power. Being the source of the Holy Word made people believe every word the church said and they milked it.
Although I don’t agree with what these Catholic guys did, I respect their hustle. They wanted to control the people and they succeeded. Swimmingly. People obeyed and they were completely under the Church’s control. That is until Galileo came along with rational thinking and hard facts. Boy, did that shake things up with the Catholic church. They were losing control. Shit got real. But that’s a story for another day. The point is, the Catholic church had the common folk under their thumb so kudos to those Catholic men. They did the most. They were hustlers and I always respect a good hustle.
Furthermore, I am in no way saying Catholicism or the Bible is wrong but after discovering what I discovered it’s difficult to look at the Bible and subsequently Christianity the same way. I mean, you can’t truly expect me to still believe and follow everything I was taught about religion, church and Christianity after I find out it was a trick to control the masses and maintain power right? I really hope I’m not offending you in any way and I’m definitely not telling you to stop believing in the bible or to stop going to church because it was used to keep us wrapped around the church’s finger hundreds of years ago. Not at all. I still go to church. I love going to church because it’s so full of light energy and that is what I vibe with but I’m just saying that I have a couple of concerns.
Questioning the Bible doesn’t mean I don’t believe in it at all. I’m not saying that hell doesn’t exist and the devil isn’t real. However, I’m not saying that these things are true either. I’m not saying that Jesus was just a guy and God is actually a woman but I’m not saying any of it is true either. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know anymore because I can’t trust the modern bible knowing how it came into existence. However, I’m not saying that the bible is full of utter nonsense. On the contrary, the bible is full of dope information and advice on how to live a truly wonderful life. Jesus told us to love our neighbours as ourselves and that’s a top tip because being a good person is a nice thing to be. The fruit of the spirit are qualities I look for in a future life partner. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control… Those are truly beautiful qualities to have and I want to have those qualities in my life. I want my husband to have those qualities. When God says, “Vengeance is mine. I will repay… Dearly beloved avenge not yourselves but overcome evil with good.” I’m like, “Yasss! Preach.” because honestly, fam, there’s no need to exact revenge. Karma will sort it out for you. What goes around comes around. Whoever did you wrong will get what they deserve, you don’t have to worry about it.
You see, my only real concern is the way that God is portrayed. I’m beginning to wonder if God really is the type of God we think he is? Firstly, what is he? And whatever he is, does what God is have a pronoun? What if God is just God? God isn’t male or female. What if God just is? Nothing more, nothing less. Moreover, what if God is indifferent? What if God doesn’t care? And I don’t mean he doesn’t care about you or this world I just mean what if he’s just super chilled and all he cares about is good vibes and you living your best life? What if he’s just light energy? Positive, good, light energy.
Consequently, if you were to ask me if I believe in God I would tell you that I do but also, I don’t because, at this point in my life, I don’t know what God is. This does not prevent me from praying, seeking guidance, or expressing gratitude though, it just means that I don’t know what I’m looking to when I do pray, seek guidance or express gratitude, I just have faith. You may be wondering how I have faith without knowing what I have faith in but aren’t we told to “live by faith and not by sight?” Therefore, not knowing what to have faith in shouldn’t prevent me from having faith because it’s not about what we see (or in this case what we believe) it’s just about having faith. So then the real question here shouldn’t be what I believe in, it should be whether or not I have faith.
So yes, the only thing I have going for me is faith. Faith in the existence of God and faith that God may not actually be real. I just have faith. There’s a quote that says, “Believing in God shows the absence of faith” and that really get’s me thinking because it’s true. If you believe in God then do you really have faith? I’ll take you back to 2 Corinthians chapter 5 verse 7 which is to “live by faith and not by sight.” We usually interpret this verse in a literal sense with the way that we live our lives. We don’t know what tomorrow has in store for us but we have faith it’ll be fine no matter what. But what if you took it to the next level? Belief is usually such a strong feeling that it feels tangible. It becomes something we can “see.” Therefore, believing in God is living by sight and not by faith. Believing in God shows the absence of faith. Hence to really have faith is to not believe in God. However, it does not mean that God does not exist. It just means that God could exist but there’s a possibility he also might not. It doesn’t really matter, we have faith regardless. Faith is finding the sweet spot between believing in him but being okay with the fact that he might not be real. That almost impartial middle ground means that nothing is real and everything is real. It just is. Confusing and vague I know, but being at peace with that idea is having faith because in that idea there is nothing and there is everything. I also believe that is what many call “Enlightenment”. It’s finding that sweet spot where you realise nothing and everything exists. It just is.
With that, I don’t know if the God in the Bible is the real God but I feel like there’s something in us all. I can feel it. That energy, that spirit, it is in me. Call it God, the Holy Spirit, Allah, the Universe, Light Energy, whatever, I have no idea but I feel it. I still don’t know what it is I’m feeling, I just have faith and it feels good. But when I give it a name, even something as vague as Light Energy, I all of a sudden make it tangible, believable. I’m no longer living by faith, I’m living by sight. So I don’t have everything figured out. I’m not “enlightened” yet but this is far as I’ve come. Perhaps that feeling I feel so deeply is faith. Perhaps I’m just feeling faith, I honestly don’t know. I might be on to something though, maybe that feeling is just faith. Like I said, my spirituality is a constant work in progress.
In closing, if I were to tell you how I stand in my religion I would say that I’m not religious or Christian in the traditional sense of the meaning but spiritually speaking, I’m living my life by faith. If you’re confused and find this vague, same, fam, same because I’m still trying to figure it out myself. I really don’t know what God is. Jesus could have been the son of God or he could’ve just been a really wise and lit human being. Either way, I still do believe that we should try our hardest to live our lives like him because Jesus was on another level. In terms of the devil and hell, I do believe that there are dark forces in this life. I do believe that there is darkness and negativity. We can see it everywhere. Perhaps in an attempt to fathom this energy we call it the devil and the source of this energy, hell. Perhaps in an attempt to fathom the light and positive energy we see in life we call it God and the source, heaven and yes, if we follow the light (God, the straight and narrow path) we will find the source (heaven) and if we follow the darkness (Satan) we will find the source (hell). Hunny, I don’t know. Honestly, when it comes to the devil and hell, I haven’t given it much thought but I know that darkness is real. That energy is there and it is foreboding but I’m so occupied with trying to understand the light that I often forget that the darkness exists.
To formally conclude, my spirituality at this point is just me trying to focus on and understand the light energy that is guiding my life while considering the possibility that it may be God and it may not be but having faith regardless.
I’m walking by faith, not by sight.